The dynamics between culture, politics and economies – explained in plain cow.<\/p>\n
Part I<\/strong><\/p>\n Christian Democrat Socialist Social Democrat Free Democrat Communist Capitalism European Bureaucracy Australian Firm American Firm French Firm Japanese Firm German Firm Italian Firm Russian Firm Swiss Firm Part II \u00b7 The post GFC update<\/strong><\/p>\n SOCIALISM COMMUNISM FASCISM NAZISM BUREAUCRATISM TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM SURREALISM AN AMERICAN CORPORATION ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM A FRENCH CORPORATION A JAPANESE CORPORATION A GERMAN CORPORATION AN ITALIAN CORPORATION A RUSSIAN CORPORATION A SWISS CORPORATION A CHINESE CORPORATION AN INDIAN CORPORATION A BRITISH CORPORATION AN IRAQI CORPORATION AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
\nYou own two cows. Your neighbour got none. You keep one and give the other to the poor neighbour. You regret doing so afterwards.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. Your neighbour got none. The Government takes one away and gives it to your neighbour. You will be forced to found a Cooperative in order to help the neighbour maintaining his livestock.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. Your neighbour got none. You feel guilty for your successful work. You vote for people in the Government who then put taxes on your cows. That forces you to sell one cow so you can pay the taxes. The people you voted for take the money and give it to your neighbour. You feel great. Humperdinck sings for you.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. Your neighbour got none. So what?<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. Your neighbour got none. The Government takes over both cows, and sells the milk to you. You have to queue up for hours to get it. It is sour.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. You sell one and buy a bull to bread a herd.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. The EU takes both away, kills one, milks the other one, pays you remuneration from the sales of the milk, then pours the milk into the North Sea.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. Your neighbour got none. You feel guilty for successfully breeding the animals whilst surfing. You give one to your neighbour. Your neighbour goes on walkabout, the cow runs away. The Government forces you to breed more cows to give them to the neighbour. You go surfing. The cows feel great. Barnsey sings for you. The cows go on walkabout and start breeding more cows than everywhere else on this planet.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. You sell one and lease it back. You take your company public. You force both cows to perform 4 times more milk. You are surprised when one falls over dead. You give press release saying you just have managed to save costs of up to 50%. Your shares raise.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
\nYou go for lunch. Life is beautiful.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. Through state-of-the-art genetic technology the animals are bread to a 10th of their normal size whilst giving twenty times more milk.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. Through state-of-the-art genetic technology the animals are being ‘redesigned’, now all blond, sucking liters of beer, giving top quality milk and run at a speed 160m\/ph. Unfortunately the cows demand 13 weeks annual leave.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows, but you don’t know where they are. While you are looking for them you see a beautiful women. You take a break. Life is beautiful.<\/p>\n
\nYou own two cows. But you count five. You drink even more vodka. You count again and now count 42 cows. Delighted you count again and now it is twelve cows. Dissappointed you give up counting and open the next bottle of vodka. The Mafia passes by and takes -how many it ever where- the cows away.<\/p>\n
\nYou have 5.000 cows at your disposal, of which none you own. You only take care of them for somebody else. When the cows give milk, you tell no one.<\/p>\n
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\nYou have 2 cows.
\nYou give one to your neighbour.<\/p>\n
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both and gives you some milk.<\/p>\n
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both and sells you some milk.<\/p>\n
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both and shoots you.<\/p>\n
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou sell one and buy a bull.
\nYour herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
\nYou sell them and retire on the income.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt\/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
\nThe milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
\nThe annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
\nYou sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
\nNo balance sheet provided with the release.
\nThe public then buys your bull.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
\nYou decide to have lunch.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou count them and learn you have five cows.
\nYou count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
\nYou count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
\nYou stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.<\/p>\n
\nYou have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
\nYou charge the owners for storing them.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou have 300 people milking them.
\nYou claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
\nYou arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou worship them.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nBoth are mad.<\/p>\n
\nEveryone thinks you have lots of cows.
\nYou tell them that you have none.
\nNo-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
\nYou still have no cows, but at least now you have Democracy.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nBusiness seems pretty good.
\nYou close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.<\/p>\n
\nYou have two cows.
\nThe one on the left looks very attractive.<\/p>\n