Today I learned about the concept of a doorslam. Or to be precise: I was acutely aware of what it is and how it happens, I just did not know it has a name. But can confirm: it is about self preservation, and trust. And it is irreversible.
From Quora: “An INFJ will exit (door slam) someone when:
- They feel a person is toxic and the emotions they keep giving off are burning them. INFJs are sensitive to absorbing and picking up others’ emotions. Who wants to absorb toxicity for long? Not me, for a start, and no sensible INFJ would either.
- They feel used and a relationship has become far too one-sided and people are only coming to them for help and not for true friendship. INFJs like to help – we were put on this earth to help – when people abuse this, we get fed up and we can exit.
- Don’t like the people’s values. INFJs have a strong value system and are often clear about what is right and wrong. If someone does not have the same values they can find this very annoying and give up on the person.
- They are also skilled at picking up the intentions of other people. When they detect people whose intentions are not kind, or healthy, or bad they they get out of the way and terminate the relationship.
- They feel things are bad between them and another person, and as they don’t like conflict they exit, never to be seen again!
Read more about this here.
For myself this is actually a soundless occurrence. It’s more a fadeout or disappearance than a bang. INFJs are good on disappearing acts. They simply aren’t there for that person any more. The person comes knocking on the door of friendship only to find no one answers the knock. INFJs usually reserve rage for when they are in an inferior and highly stressed state, or in an unhealthy situation.